This article first appeared in 'Home Time', newsletter of the Christian Home Education Support Service (formerly known as Home Service), and is used with the author's permission.
Yes, we live in Scotland and that's what I got christened when my enterprising older son decided he'd outgrown "Mummy"!
When we consider the issue of taking time for ourselves as homeschooling mothers, the first thing which might spring to mind might be "me-time"; this is a popular concept which suggests that because we are constantly giving out, we need to refuel away from the daily grind. I don't believe that mothers have a monopoly on selflessness, and I don't think this is what taking care of ourselves is all about. In her article 'The Me-time Myth' (Raising Arrows), Amy Roberts exposes the errors of this concept: that the very idea suggests that who we are during the daily grind is not who we really are, and that our roles as wife and mother are largely negative ones which will suck the life out of us if we let them. While our lives may be busy and full, I think most homeschooling mothers can testify to a deep sense of calling and experience of enormous blessing and personal fulfillment as we follow God's plan for our families.
That said, there are always pitfalls. We can overload our schedules by refusing to accept that when we choose to homeschool, we choose to give up certain other things. Often some of our interests must be put on hold, just as our children will probably not be able to do every activity that they would like to try. Our children are only little for a short time, and we need to prioritise the things we want for our families as a whole. If the Lord tarries, there will be time later; if not, we did the most important thing. This goes against the world's view which would encourage selfishness and introspection. However, many mothers, especially those with young children, can easily fall into a pattern of self-neglect, and less than vigilant husbands, churches and unrealistic approaches to parenting and family life can exacerbate the problem. There is a school of thought which would heap guilt on us for even the shortest time away from our children. We can easily give up and relinquish our personal interest our personal interests, lifelong learning, relationships and very personalities in a noble but misguided quest to be the perfect parent. Karey Swan (in 'Things We Wish We'd Known' edited by Bill and Diana Waring) identifies this as "a sort of negligence: withholding who she is- the best part of herself- from our children". Our lives ought to be attractive to our childrenas we live beyond 'maintenance'.
Taking care of ourselves will look different at different stages of life. We have three teenagers living at home and our youngest is six, so things look very different than when we only had small children. I no longer need to carry a carseat to evening events. I can go for a
run after the younger children go to bed (ha- that hardly ever happens). My husband looks after the children so that I can go to homegroup, Sunday evening communion and Russian conversation group on Saturday morning. My husband and I can take an hour to go to our favourite coffee shop; I'm not sure if it's any more appreciated, though, than the brief conversations we used to have at the park, while the children ran ahead, or the deeper chats while they slept in the car. They are simply different seasons.
We need to be aware of our weaknesses: taking care of oneself for me also involves avoiding certain foods (which my family enjoy) and minimising stress, since almost developing a stomach ulcer last year. It is OK sometimes to let our family know that we are tired and need help. It can seem easier to stay up late to finish our jobs, but usually it's better to get to bed. While we might sometimes actually catch up, our work is never done, and we need to be content with that and not let it stress us. Our husbands can help enormously here, and if you are homeschooling alone, a support system is essential. There are very helpful chapters in 'The Survivor's Guide to Homeschooling' (by Luanne Shackleford and Susan White), and 'Homeschooling with Joy' (by Frieda Thiessen), on this subject.
For most of us there won't be time for in-depth Bible study or being a prayer warrior. But it is only in the Lord Jesus that we will find strength for every day and inspiration for our ministry of motherhood and homeschooling. We long for our children to follow Christ; we must be following Him too. Whether we have five minutes or an hour, this is the most important part of our day. I have found a large chunk of time unattainable; I read a short devotion while dressing, but keep reading materials, my one-year Bible (I'm behind already) and prayer lists in a basket on the ironing board which I can access easily throughout the day. I have just read 'Guilt-free Quiet Times' by Emily Ryan and found it very helpful. We often find God speaking to us as we lead devotions with our children.
Lastly, while homeschooling brings its unique highs and lows, time spent with our children can also be amazingly restorative. My bouncy nine year old is an excellent walking companion, I have spent countless afternoons relaxing doing crafts with my girls and my elder son keeps me up to date with the world of politics. There is lots of fun to be had with these young people!
